It’s sad when even trying to accept and love yourself becomes yet another contest wherein you are not measuring up. I find myself thinking, “GOD everyone else is SO MUCH BETTER at accepting themselves being proud of their bodies and personalities I’m am SUCH A FAILURE at self-acceptance!!! I am a…
I feel like a big failure at my twenties. That is to say, I did my twenties all wrong by drinking them away instead of readying womb and ring finger and hearth and home and getting myself all man approved so that I wouldn’t be in this spinster mess!
Ha - see, I always feel like I did my twenties wrong. All work, very little play. I didn’t drink much or try enough drugs. I didn’t save any of my money or get a mortgage when the gettin’ was good. I failed to get myself knocked up or adequately prepare myself for the possibility that it wasn’t ever gonna happen for me.
Instead, in my mid-thirties I have a semi-established career and little else. I am married to a great guy, have two wonderful cats, drive a p.o.s. car, and rent a cheap condo.
It’s sad when even trying to accept and love yourself becomes a contest wherein you are not measuring up. I find myself thinking, “GOD everyone else is SO MUCH BETTER at accepting themselves being proud of their bodies and personalities I’m am SUCH A FAILURE at…
I am a prisoner in my own house today. Ryan’s friend is supposed to come by “sometime today, probably around lunch time” to pick up a box, which is out on the front porch because Ryan sleeps during the day and I don’t want to talk to him. He’s a totally nice guy, but he’s chatty and he’ll want to come in and blab for a while - plus, he’s totally the kind of person that doesn’t think about what he says to his loudmouth wife (one time she launched into this whole song and dance about a furniture store that she liked with really affordable couches and how I REALLY should go check it out and I was wondering what the hell brought this on… turns out he ‘mentioned’ that our couches are old and the slip covers are mismatched).
I’m in Tinker Bell pajama pants and haven’t bathed since Sunday so… yeah, I’m not really in the mood for company.
But! I really want to go out and get some lunch. Just some greasy drive-through food, something I can go get without brushing my hair or getting dressed. But I just know as soon as I open the door to leave, he’ll be there. Wanting to chat while I regret not wearing a bra to leave the house.
I caught myself looking at jewelry today. Then I remembered I almost never go out. Then I was like, “You can wear that to openings and stuff?” And then my brain said, “You mean the openings you go to for 5 minutes and Irish goodbye out the door?”
I go through this all the time now when I look at clothes or jewelry. Then I remember that I have no job and no friends to hang out with and so why do I need nice things to wear while watching tv or reading tumblr.
I was at Forever 21 (don’t judge me!) a few weeks ago and they have some cheap-ass jewelry. I bought 10 necklaces (all for under $30) and I haven’t worn a single one yet. I mostly work at home, which means that you’re lucky if I’ve brushed my teeth before 3pm. Putting on clothes or an “outfit” is extremely rare. I hardly go anywhere anymore, now that my 9-5 is inside my own house. I will go days without leaving my property line. And yet! When I see sparkly things or cute dresses, I negotiate with myself about buying them - it’ll be great for work! I can wear this to a concert!